I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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