You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
