Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
