Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize