WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
