Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
