i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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