That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
