So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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