soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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