I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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