Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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