my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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