I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize