dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
