You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
