can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
