I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
