hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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