Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
did i just pee glitter
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
