i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
