Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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