sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
