I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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