im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
