I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
