This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
