I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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