sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
