He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.