Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo