Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
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Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password