walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.