Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.