My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
