His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
