my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
