did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
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Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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