Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
