I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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