you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
