Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
