My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
