Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
