Moan for me like Helen Keller
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
