I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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