You can't motorboat a personality
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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