so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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