i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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