i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
