Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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