when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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