wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
