dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
