Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
