What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize