If i come over, it means nothing
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
