I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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