Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize