Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
