Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
