Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
